Sunday, September 10, 2006

India, pakistan and the Nuclear Missiles

Got the following email as a fwd. Its funny stuff and a good satire on Indian buereocracy!

During the Cold War, if USA launched a nuke-loaded missile,

Soviet satellites would inform the Soviet army in 3 seconds and in
less than 5 seconds Soviet counter-missiles would be on their way.

This was their scenario.................

But if there is a nuclear war between India and pakistan.

The Pakistan army decides to launch a nuke-missile towards India.

They don't need any permission from their government, and promptly
order the countdowns.

Indian technology is highly advanced.

In less than 8 seconds, Indian army detects the pak Countdown and
decides to launch a missile in retribution.

But they need permission from the Government of India.

They submit their request to the Indian President. The President
forwards it to the Cabinet.

The Prime Minister calls an emergency Lok Sabha session. The LS meets,
but due to several walkouts and severe protests by the opposition, it
gets adjourned and adjourned indefinitely.

The President asks for a quick decision.

In the mean time, the pak missile failed to take off due to technical
failure. Their attempts for a relaunch are still on.

Just then the Indian ruling party is reduced to a minority because a
party that was giving outside support withdraws it.

The President asks the PM to prove his majority within a week.

As the ruling party fails to win the confidence vote, a caretaker
government is installed.

The caretaker PM decides to permit the armed forces to launch a nuclear missile.

But the Election Commission says that a caretaker government can not
take such a decision because elections are at hand.

A Public Interest Litigation is filed in the Supreme Court alleging
misuse of power by the Election Commission.

The Supreme Court comes to the rescue of the PM, and says the acting PM is authorized to take this decision in view of the emergency facing
the nation.

Just then one of the Pak missiles successfully took off, but it fell
367 miles away from the target, on its own government building at 11.00AM.

Fortunately there were no casualties as no employee had reached the
office that early.

In any case, the nuclear core of the missile had detached somewhere in flight.

The Pakistan army is now trying to get better technologies from China and USA.

The Indian Government, taking no chances, decides to launch a nuclear
missile of its own, after convening an all-party meeting.

This time all the parties agree.

Its three months since the army had sought permission. But as
preparations begin, "pro-humanity", "anti-nuclear" activists come out
against the Government\'s decision.

Human chains are formed and Rasta rokos organised.

In California and Washington endless e-mails are sent to Indians like
Kalingaa and all of you, condemning the government and mentioning
"Please forward it to as many Indians as possible".

On the Pakistan side, the missiles kept malfunctioning. Some missiles
deviate from target due to technical failures or high-speed wind
blowing over Rajasthan.

Many of them land in the Indian Ocean killing some fishes.

A missile (smuggled from USA) is pressed into service.

Since the Pakistan army is unable to understand its software, it hits
its original destination: Russia .

Russia successfully intercepts the missile and in retaliation launches
a nuclear missile towards Islamabad.

The missile hits the target and creates havoc.

Pakistan cries for help. India expresses deep regrets for what has
happened and sends in a million dollars worth of Parle-G biscuits.

Thus India never gets to launch the missile.

pakistan never gets it right.

And

we live happily ever after!!!!...

2 comments:

samir said...

just discovered another side of you capt.D... keep it going.

Abhishek said...

Now what side is it?